每一段亲密关系，都是通往自我的征程
<section style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: justify;" data-mpa-powered-by="yiban.io"><section style="font-size: 12px; text-align: center; letter-spacing: 1.4px; padding: 0px 18px; color: rgb(27, 107, 196); box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; max-width: 100%; clear: both; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, " helvetica="" neue",="" "pingfang="" sc",="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei="" ui",="" yahei",="" arial,="" sans-serif;="" letter-spacing:="" 1.3px;="" margin:="" 0px;="" padding:="" box-sizing:="" border-box;="" color:="" rgb(60,="" 60,="" 60);="" line-height:="" 2;="" overflow-wrap:="" break-word="" !important;"="" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%; clear: both; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px 16px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-width: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">这篇文章与亲密关系有关，也是一篇自我成长的文章。</span></strong></span></section><section style="letter-spacing: 1.3px; user-select: text; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; font-family: " helvetica="" neue",="" helvetica,="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei",="" "apple="" color="" emoji",="" "emoji="" symbols="" font",="" "segoe="" ui="" symbol",="" arial,="" sans-serif;="" background-color:="" rgb(255,="" 255,="" 255);="" margin-left:="" 16px;="" margin-right:="" 16px;"=""><br></section><section style="letter-spacing: 1.3px; user-select: text; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; font-family: " helvetica="" neue",="" helvetica,="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei",="" "apple="" color="" emoji",="" "emoji="" symbols="" font",="" "segoe="" ui="" symbol",="" arial,="" sans-serif;="" background-color:="" rgb(255,="" 255,="" 255);="" margin-left:="" 16px;="" margin-right:="" 16px;"=""><span style="user-select: text;-webkit-user-drag: none;-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent;">即使你已过了恋爱阶段，我依然建议你读一读，因为亲密关系的范围不仅包含了恋爱，还涵盖了你与父母、子女的相处。</span></section><section style="letter-spacing: 1.3px; user-select: text; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; font-family: " helvetica="" neue",="" helvetica,="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei",="" "apple="" color="" emoji",="" "emoji="" symbols="" font",="" "segoe="" ui="" symbol",="" arial,="" sans-serif;="" background-color:="" rgb(255,="" 255,="" 255);="" margin-left:="" 16px;="" margin-right:="" 16px;"=""><br></section><section style="letter-spacing: 1.3px; user-select: text; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; font-family: " helvetica="" neue",="" helvetica,="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei",="" "apple="" color="" emoji",="" "emoji="" symbols="" font",="" "segoe="" ui="" symbol",="" arial,="" sans-serif;="" background-color:="" rgb(255,="" 255,="" 255);="" margin-left:="" 16px;="" margin-right:="" 16px;"=""><span style="user-select: text;-webkit-user-drag: none;-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent;">同时，</span><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-width: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">自我成长的路径也不仅仅是读书和思考，还有一个非常重要、不可或缺的部分，那就是通过真实的亲密关系所获得的自我成长。</span></strong></span></section><section style="letter-spacing: 1.3px; user-select: text; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; font-family: " helvetica="" neue",="" helvetica,="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei",="" "apple="" color="" emoji",="" "emoji="" symbols="" font",="" "segoe="" ui="" symbol",="" arial,="" sans-serif;="" background-color:="" rgb(255,="" 255,="" 255);="" margin-left:="" 16px;="" margin-right:="" 16px;"=""><span style="user-select: text;-webkit-user-drag: none;-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent;"><br></span></section><section style="max-width: 100%; clear: both; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px 16px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px; box-sizing: border-box;">我时常收到读者在亲密关系中受伤的留言，也遇到不少带着“破碎的心”来找我的咨询者。</span></section><section style="max-width: 100%; clear: both; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px 16px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;"><br></span></section><section style="max-width: 100%; clear: both; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px 16px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;">亲密关系对我们很重要，但往往也十分伤人。</span></section><section style="max-width: 100%; clear: both; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px 16px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="max-width: 100%; clear: both; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px 16px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-width: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">该如何处理亲密关系里的各种痛苦？</span></strong></span></section><section style="max-width: 100%; clear: both; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px 16px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="max-width: 100%; clear: both; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px 16px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-width: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">分享三个非常有效的原则给你</span></strong><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-width: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">，</span><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">它们对我产生过很大的帮助，相信也能够在一定程度上解决你的痛苦。</strong></span></section><section style="max-width: 100%; clear: both; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px 16px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><p style="max-width: 100%; clear: both; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></p></section><section style="font-size: 11px; margin: 5px 0%; text-align: center; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="border-width: 0px 0px 1px;border-style: solid;border-bottom-color: rgb(135, 135, 135);font-size: 15px;padding: 0px 16px;color: rgb(184, 181, 181);box-sizing: border-box;"><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center; color: rgb(178, 177, 177); line-height: 1.3; letter-spacing: 1.5px; padding: 0px 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">—<em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 38px;color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 22px; box-sizing: border-box;">原则一</span></span></strong></span></em>—</p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="font-size: 22px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="font-size: 22px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">既能投入，</span></strong><strong style="font-family: mp-quote, -apple-system-font, BlinkMacSystemFont, " helvetica="" neue",="" "pingfang="" sc",="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei="" ui",="" yahei",="" arial,="" sans-serif;font-size:="" 22px;"=""><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);">又能抽离</span></strong></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 2; letter-spacing: 1.3px; padding: 0px 16px; color: rgb(60, 60, 60); box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;">什么是投入？</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">投入说的是沉浸于当下的事情和情绪中。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">抽离又是什么呢？</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">抽离和投入刚好相反，它说的是跳出当下的事情和情绪中。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">生活中，我们绝大数人都是时刻“投入”的。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">但只有投入是不行的，你会被事情和情绪裹挟、沉沦其中、无法翻身。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">时刻“抽离”呢？</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;">也不行。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;">只有抽离，你永远也体会不到人生的妙处，体会不到人生中那些细微的动人之处。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">只有既投入、又抽离，知道何时投入、何时抽离，你才能既领会到人生的妙处，又能避免不必要的痛苦。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">真正的生活高手，都是既能投入、又会抽离的人</strong></span><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">。</strong></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">这个道理用在亲密关系的处理上也同样适用：</strong></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">· 当你在全情体验这份爱的美好时，就彻底的投入进去。尽情去爱、去享受每一个爱的当下、去体验每一刻爱的细节与感受。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这些都是非常必要的人生体会，因为“投入”能让你深刻且彻底的体验每一次爱的过程。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">· 当你面对激烈地争吵或者遭遇分手、离婚、离别、永别难以自拔时，<span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;">就应该抽离出来。</span></span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">因为“投入”会让你沉浸于当下每一个细微的感受与情绪中，而这时的感受与情绪恰好都是“苦”的。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">如果继续保持“投入”状态，你会备受折磨、饱受煎熬。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">所以，你需要由“投入”转为“抽离”。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">怎么“抽离”呢？</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">在这里，我给你介绍三种特别适合于处理亲密关系中痛苦与冲突的抽离方法。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">方法一：站到很远处</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">“站到很远处”指的是以你现在所在的时间点为基础，让自己来到20年或50年后，然后再从那个时点回看20年前或50年前的这个时刻。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">举个例子：</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p><p style="color: rgb(122, 122, 122); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">假如，你现在刚与另一半分手，非常痛苦，不知如何是好。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(122, 122, 122); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(122, 122, 122); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">那么，我想邀请你闭上眼睛感受一下。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(122, 122, 122); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="color: rgb(122, 122, 122); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">假如你来到了20年后，也就是2041年，然后再回看2021年发生的一切，这时，你会有什么样的发现？</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(122, 122, 122); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(122, 122, 122); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">2041年的你也许已经生儿育女，也许正走在自我探索的路上，也许已经开了你的第一次画展，或是出了你的第一本书。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(122, 122, 122); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(122, 122, 122); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">当回看2021年这一切时，你可能忽然发现，正是因为这一年的这样一个挫折，你对自己有了一些非常重要的认识，而这些认识让你在之后的亲密关系与人生之路上越走越稳，并最终来到了这里。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(122, 122, 122); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(122, 122, 122); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">这时，你恍然大悟，原来，这个挫折竟然是个礼物。</strong></p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 2; letter-spacing: 1.3px; padding: 0px 16px; color: rgb(60, 60, 60); box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这就是站到很远处的“抽离”之法。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">它能让你跳出现在的境遇，从更长的时间点去看当下，从而找到解决之道与宽慰之法。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">方法二：退到时间线外</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">什么是退到时间线外？</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">大多数时候，我们看待发生在自己身上的事情时，都是站在自己人生时间轴上看的。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">有时是站在时间轴的当下，有时是站在未来，有时是站在过去。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">而退到时间线外则不同，它说的是你要跳出整个时间轴，彻底离开正在进行的一切。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">当你来到时间线外，注视正在进行的一切，感受它时，你会看到什么？</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">也许，你会看到你的整个一生，就像一条不断奔涌向前的河流，不论你是否正在参与其中，还是已退后一步，它的奔涌都绝不止息。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这时，如果你将眼前遇到的事和当下强烈的情绪放在这条时间轴上，就会发现，它不过是你整个人生中很小的一段，甚至只是一个点、一抹轻微的印记。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">然后，你再将目光投向这条时间轴的前方，你会发现前面的路其实还很长，生命中还有很多美好的可能性正在等着你去探索和创造。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这时，眼前痛苦和焦灼的情绪开始逐渐变淡，变成了人生长河中的一个小小插曲，一段小小的过往，或者只是一抹淡淡的印记。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">你的内心也开始走向宁静、平和。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">每次，在我遇到亲密关系中的困境，被眼前情绪深深困扰的时候，我都会尝试离开，像个局外人似的看着眼前奔涌而去的时间轴。<br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">看看它的过去、现在和未来，然后我就会平静下来，意识到人生还很长，不必急于一时；人生还有很多美好的可能性，眼前的痛苦只是生命中的一段经历。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">也许，在未来某一天再想起这段经历的时候，我不但不会感到痛苦，反而还会觉得珍贵。</strong></p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 2; letter-spacing: 1.3px; padding: 0px 16px; color: rgb(60, 60, 60); box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这就是退到时间线外的“抽离”之法。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">方法三：转换到“上帝视角”</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">上帝视角，说的是脱离开当前自己的身体，来到更高的“上帝位置”- 也就是中立的第三视角以及更高的系统化视角，然后俯瞰自己以及亲密关系中另一方。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">你可能会看到，“你”身上一些平时从未察觉到的东西，以及对方身上的一些从未觉察到的东西。</p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 2; letter-spacing: 1.3px; padding: 0px 16px; color: rgb(60, 60, 60); box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">在吵架最激烈的时候，如果你能抽离到“上帝视角”，也许你就能够看到她的委屈、你的强势；</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">或者是发现你们二人在情感投入上的极度不平衡；又或者是你们二人的争吵让父母和孩子受到了极大的影响。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这些东西，可能是你在作为“你”的时候根本无法看到的。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">而当你来到了更高的、更中立的第三视角，也就是“上帝视角”的时候，<span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;">你的注意力从自我的强烈情绪中解脱了出来，于是你看到了其他人的感受、想法、情绪。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这时你不仅能够看到自己，同时你还看到了整个系统。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(50, 50, 50);box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">实际上，不论是对待感情，还是对待生活工作中的很多痛苦，我们都既要学会“投入”，又要学会“抽离”。</strong></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">用“投入”去深刻体验真实细腻的人生，用“抽离”去避免情绪带来的过度伤害。</p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 11px; margin: 5px 0%; text-align: center; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="border-width: 0px 0px 1px;border-style: solid;border-bottom-color: rgb(135, 135, 135);font-size: 15px;padding: 0px 16px;color: rgb(135, 135, 135);box-sizing: border-box;"><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center; color: rgb(178, 177, 177); line-height: 1.3; letter-spacing: 1.5px; padding: 0px 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">—<em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 38px;color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 22px; box-sizing: border-box;">原则二</span></span></strong></span></em>—</p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 22px;color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">重存在、轻占有</span></strong></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; color: rgb(60, 60, 60); letter-spacing: 1.3px; padding: 0px 16px; line-height: 2; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">什么是占有？</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">“占有”是指在对待亲密关系时，你看重这段亲密关系带来的结果。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这个结果也许是结婚，也许是一直保持男女朋友关系，也许是对方一直要与你相依相伴。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">而“存在”则不一样。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">“存在”说的是在对待亲密关系时，你把自己的注意力和感受都放在了体会每一个当下、体味每一次爱的感受和体验，以及与对方的交流互动上。你并不看着结果。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">假如你在亲密关系中是一个“占有”导向的人，你可能会问很多这样的问题：</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“你会永远爱我吗？”</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“我们会一生一世永不分离吗？”</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“你是100%的爱我吗？”</strong></p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; color: rgb(60, 60, 60); letter-spacing: 1.3px; padding: 0px 16px; line-height: 2; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">因为“占有”对你来说非常重要，所以你会非常在乎“是否拥有”、“是否能够一直拥有”、“是否100%的拥有”。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">相反，如果你是一个看重“存在”的人，你就会对亲密关系中两人之间的精神、心灵、身体、能量的交流更加在意。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">你会更在乎在这段亲密关系中，体验到了什么、感受到了什么，和对方交流了什么。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">于是，你可能会这样说：</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; color: rgb(60, 60, 60); letter-spacing: 1.3px; padding: 0px 16px; line-height: 2; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“今早，当你拥抱我时，我感受到了那种温暖踏实的满足感，真好。”</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“在我们刚才的对话中，我对于你和自己都有了更加深刻的了解，我意识到我们应该常常进行这样深入的对话。”</strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">事实上，在每一段认真投入的亲密关系中，关系双方都势必会体验到很多与自己本身完全不同的东西，也会尝试到很多以前从未经历过的东西。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这就是“存在”本身，也可将它理解为“过程”本身。<br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">很多被“占有”所主导的人，总是忘记事情的“存在”：每一个你爱过的人，以及每一段的亲密关系，都是你生命中无法抹去的印记。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">或深或浅、或长或短，你不能因为出现问题或者无法驻足在此，就否认这些印记曾经真实的存在过、这些爱曾经真实的发生过。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">这么做，你就等于是否定了自己所有真实的过程以及真切的感受。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">正如那句话所说，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">“如果中午的蔷薇失去了它在清晨时的娇美，它在清晨时的娇美仍然是真实的。”</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">如果你的眼睛总是盯着结果或“占有”，而忽视了过程或“存在”本身，那就等于是忽视了人生中最最宝贵的东西，而这东西本身就已是最大的奖励。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">这就像是，你的头脑总是在惦记着即将枯萎的或已经枯萎了的蔷薇，却将清晨时开得正好的蔷薇或是曾经开得娇美的蔷薇忘得一干二净。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这，是一件多么可惜的事啊……</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">爱过并深深的体验过，就是这爱本身所带来的最大回报，至于结果以及所谓的“永恒”，就请在全然的投入后，随遇而安吧。</p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 11px; margin: 5px 0%; text-align: center; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="border-width: 0px 0px 1px;border-style: solid;border-bottom-color: rgb(135, 135, 135);font-size: 15px;padding: 0px 16px;color: rgb(135, 135, 135);box-sizing: border-box;"><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center; color: rgb(178, 177, 177); line-height: 1.3; letter-spacing: 1.5px; padding: 0px 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">—<em style="box-sizing: border-box;"></em><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 22px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">原则三</strong></span><span style="font-size: 38px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></span></em><span style="color: rgb(160, 160, 160);box-sizing: border-box;">—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 22px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">每一段亲密关系</span></strong></span></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 22px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">都是通往自我的征程</span></strong></span></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; color: rgb(60, 60, 60); letter-spacing: 1.3px; line-height: 2; padding: 0px 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">从本质来说，每一段的亲密关系，都是通往自我的征程。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">什么意思？</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这句话有两方面的含义。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">一方面，任何一个关系，不论它是多么的深情与炙热，都有结束的时刻。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">父母无法陪自己的孩子一生一世，白头偕老的夫妻也最终会因生命的终结而分离。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">关系是无法占有的，它只能存在。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">它存在于你的生命里，并在你的身上、灵魂上、心灵上印刻下无法磨灭的体验与感受，而这一切都是关乎自我的。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;">另一方面，不论是怎样一段亲密关系，让你十分快活的，或者是让你非常痛苦的，它都会或多或少的给你带来些礼物。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;">这些礼物可能是关于自我认知的、可能是关于自我成长的、可能是对于人性的理解的，也可能是对于爱的理解的。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(50, 50, 50);box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;">这些礼物最终都会成为你的一部分，并影响到你的生命。</strong></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: mp-quote, -apple-system-font, BlinkMacSystemFont, " helvetica="" neue",="" "pingfang="" sc",="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei="" ui",="" yahei",="" arial,="" sans-serif;letter-spacing:="" 1.3px;"=""><br></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: mp-quote, -apple-system-font, BlinkMacSystemFont, " helvetica="" neue",="" "pingfang="" sc",="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei="" ui",="" yahei",="" arial,="" sans-serif;letter-spacing:="" 1.3px;"="">所以，每一段亲密关系，最终都是通往自我的征程。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="letter-spacing: 1.3px;box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">比如：</p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; color: rgb(60, 60, 60); letter-spacing: 1.3px; line-height: 2; padding: 0px 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; box-sizing: border-box;">在《了不起的麦瑟尔夫人》这部美剧里，女主人公正是在丈夫离开之后才第一次发现了自己的天赋，从而走在了寻找真我做自己的路上。</strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这就是一段帮助她最终通往自我征途的亲密关系。</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">再比如我自己的一个真实故事：</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; color: rgb(60, 60, 60); letter-spacing: 1.3px; line-height: 2; padding: 0px 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">我曾经的一段亲密关系中，因为男友劈腿，我们分手了。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="letter-spacing: 1.3px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">那时，我的男友在硕士毕业后想考博士，然后留在高校当老师。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">虽然他要留校的学校是非常好的，他的专业也是非常好的专业，可以说只要他考上博士就一定能够留在那所学校担任老师。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">但是，因为那时在我心中，我更希望他能在毕业后直接去外企工作，未来成为高管。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">所以，我就将自己的想法强加于他，要求他放弃考博而进入企业。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">他是一个内向且不善于高难度对话的人，面对那时强势的我，他很自然就选择了逃避。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">而在这个逃避的过程中，因为其他女性对他的抚慰，他的感情发生了变化。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">最后，他劈腿了，而我们也分手了。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">在遭遇了这一打击后，痛苦自然无可避免，更让我一直备受折磨的是“为什么？”。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">直到分手一年后，我才终于把这一切都想明白了，于是我给他打了一个电话，在电话里我跟他说了这样一段话：</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“我感到非常抱歉，因为强烈的控制欲，我将自己想要的当做是你想要的，于是强加于你，造成了你的痛苦以及你后来为此而走的弯路。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">（分手后，他从企业辞职，重新考博，后来如愿成为了高校老师，但这中间浪费了不少时间）。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">我想让你知道我的歉意，虽然事实已经无法改变。同时，我也想让你知道，正是这段感情让我开始意识到“爱”到底是什么。”</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">这就是那段亲密关系带给我生命的礼物-我第一次意识到自己强烈的控制欲以及对于爱的理解的偏颇。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">虽然那时的痛苦感受到现在都还记得，然而我却已经将它转化为了一份厚重的礼物，并让这份礼物影响到了我的整个生命。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">显然，这是一条需要终生修炼的路，但当我回首去看，每一个我爱过的人都让我看到了自己身上从未看到的部分。</strong></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="color: rgb(125, 125, 125); font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1.3px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">让我对自己的认识不断加深，同时也让我学到了很多关于“爱”、“亲密关系”以及“人性”的东西。</strong></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">一段真实投入的感情，即便分手，它带给你的也不仅仅只有伤痛，在伤痛的同时，它还会为你带来觉察、领悟、思考和成长。</strong></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">这就是它给你的礼物，希望你不要把它像垃圾那样扔到一旁。而是感恩它，然后继续你新的征途，走向越来越棒的自己……</p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;">每一段的亲密关系，不论结局如何，最终都是通往自我的征程。</p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 11px; margin: 5px 0%; text-align: center; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="border-width: 0px 0px 1px;border-style: solid;border-bottom-color: rgb(135, 135, 135);font-size: 15px;padding: 0px 16px;color: rgb(135, 135, 135);box-sizing: border-box;"><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="font-size: 18px;color: rgb(162, 34, 34);box-sizing: border-box;"> 最后的话</strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; color: rgb(60, 60, 60); line-height: 2; letter-spacing: 1.3px; padding: 0px 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">在每个人的一生中，亲密关系都是一门必修的课程，可惜这恰好也是课本中几乎从不涉及的内容。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">在这篇文章中，我提出了三个核心原则：</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">1）既投入，又抽离</strong></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">2）轻占有、重存在</strong></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(239, 84, 17);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">3）每一段的亲密关系，都是通往自我的征途</strong></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">希望它们能够帮你在亲密关系的修行中越走越好，在遭遇痛苦时能最大程度的减轻痛苦，并能理解这背后的意义。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="user-select: text; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; font-family: " helvetica="" neue",="" helvetica,="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei",="" "apple="" color="" emoji",="" "emoji="" symbols="" font",="" "segoe="" ui="" symbol",="" arial,="" sans-serif;="" letter-spacing:="" 1.3px;="" background-color:="" rgb(255,="" 255,="" 255);"="">最后，祝福你在通往自我征程的路上越走越好</span><span style="font-family: " helvetica="" neue",="" helvetica,="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei",="" "apple="" color="" emoji",="" "emoji="" symbols="" font",="" "segoe="" ui="" symbol",="" arial,="" sans-serif;="" letter-spacing:="" 1.3px;="" background-color:="" rgb(255,="" 255,="" 255);"="">！</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: " helvetica="" neue",="" helvetica,="" "hiragino="" sans="" gb",="" "microsoft="" yahei",="" "apple="" color="" emoji",="" "emoji="" symbols="" font",="" "segoe="" ui="" symbol",="" arial,="" sans-serif;="" letter-spacing:="" 1.3px;="" background-color:="" rgb(255,="" 255,="" 255);"=""><br></span></span></p></section><section style="font-size: 15px; text-align: center; color: rgb(183, 7, 7); box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">- END -</strong></span><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p></section><section style="letter-spacing: 1.3px; line-height: 2; padding: 0px 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><font color="#c0c0c0" style="" size="2"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></font></p></section><section style="line-height: 1.8; letter-spacing: 1.3px; padding: 0px 16px; box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"><font color="#c0c0c0" size="2">作者艾菲介绍：“只做影响你一生的课程”的蓬勃学院创始人&CEO、深度思考力畅销书《直击本质》作者、思考力培训专家、多家企业创始人&CEO的个人成长教练、Gallup全球认证优势教练、国际教练协会（ICF）认证专业级教练、前美国财富500强公司大中华区市场部负责人，20万读者公众号“艾菲的理想”创始人兼主笔。</font></p></section></section><font color="#c0c0c0" size="2"><br>转载声明：本文转载自「艾菲的理想」，搜索「xiaoyaolsh」即可关注，[阅读原文]。点击右上角关注获取更多资讯！</font><br>花猫写作网拥有一帮喜欢读书、喜欢写作、喜欢分享传播正能量的朋友每天与你一起学习成长，在这里你不仅仅是收获知识。转载请联系花猫说（id:hmshuyouquan）进行授权转载。
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